7 Degrees
Lying against cold steel for what has seemed like hours, I am covered in a thin but compact windblown layer of snow. Surprised by the force, I am suddenly ripped from my wintery grave. Two gloved hands grip me by my bindings and jerk me from my purgatory. I pass, unceremoniously, past Subaru’s and 4 wheel drive pickups, swinging carelessly. It's cold, very cold. The steel embedded in my curved edges are frosted and iced over, I am cracking, desperate for protection. I am slammed into the packed white powder and thrust upright against hollow aluminum stocks, where I am chained and abandoned yet again.
I wrote this with the intent of sharing a descriptive writing piece for my students. It is written through my snowboard's perspective.
Angelene,
ReplyDeleteI loved the descriptive words that you used to develop rich descriptions in your writing ("compact windblown layer of snow", "curved edges are frosted and iced over"). It was very engaging and I was curious and intrigued by the beautiful language. Though I have to admit that I felt kind of like a detective trying to piece together what was happening in the story. I thought maybe this was about a snowboarding accident or about a child trying again and again to successfully snowboard down a hill. I love how you wrote from a different perspective, however I wonder if there is a way to bring a bit more clarity to the reader? Are there some clues you could add to give the reader a better idea about the story being told by the snowboard? Thanks for sharing. This piece read like a poem. It might be a good way to share with your students about different genres.
Hi Angelene,
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you titled this piece and began it with a brusque description. The words "cold" and "steel" convey the sharpness of the low temps. I was into the fourth line before I realized that you were not talking about a person, but a snow board. It's a great hook!
One thing that I am not sure about is the "hollow aluminum stocks." What is that referencing? And why is the board abandoned? Finally, I wonder whether the board is alone, or are there other boards around?
Hi Angelene,
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you titled this piece and began it with a brusque description. The words "cold" and "steel" convey the sharpness of the low temps. I was into the fourth line before I realized that you were not talking about a person, but a snow board. It's a great hook!
One thing that I am not sure about is the "hollow aluminum stocks." What is that referencing? And why is the board abandoned? Finally, I wonder whether the board is alone, or are there other boards around?
Hey Angelene!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your descriptive writing piece! It made me want to go snowboarding this weekend. It was cool to read it a second time to imagine every step it takes to get ready when you park up on the mountain. It's interesting you wrote it from the perspective of your board. Have you thought of other objects in your life of having an interesting perspective? I wonder how your board felt after boarding through mostly slush and ice from last year?