I pad through the kitchen like a hungry bear
in search of the nearest source of food.
Nose to the ground.
Sniffing.
Searching.
Circling.
I hope with all my heart.
I beg with all my determination.
I plead with all my might.
I gaze up at her.
Mom's hands are busily chop, chop, chopping.
What is that I see?
Juicy, delectable steak.
Why is she ignoring me?
She clearly doesn't know I'm here.
Paw the leg.
Use the magic eyes.
Say pleeeeeaaaassse with a BARK!
PLOP!
Works every time.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Finally...savory steak!
I am wondering about the 2nd stanza. It sounds a little funny to me. Not very "poetic." Suggestions?
ReplyDeleteAngelene, this is a fun poem as you get inside your dog's head. I think it all works and paints a great image of the dog. In the second stanza I wonder if "determination" is too long (5 syllables). Or you could drop the "all my" from the second line. I wondered about putting an exclamation mark after "steak" in line 14 if he is excited about discovering the steak that she's cutting. Another thought I had was what does her leg feel like under his paw? Is she wearing jeans, shorts, slacks?
DeleteAngelene, this is a fun poem as you get inside your dog's head. I think it all works and paints a great image of the dog. In the second stanza I wonder if "determination" is too long (5 syllables). Or you could drop the "all my" from the second line. I wondered about putting an exclamation mark after "steak" in line 14 if he is excited about discovering the steak that she's cutting. Another thought I had was what does her leg feel like under his paw? Is she wearing jeans, shorts, slacks?
DeleteAngelene,
ReplyDeleteI really like the perspective that you used in this poem. You didn't just describe what your dog does, but you presented it from your dogs perspective and the thought process going through the dogs head. A couple of suggestions for the second stanza: 1. You could add another line. This stanza is shorter than all the rest. It might help with the flow of the poem. Also you could consider changing "hope" to something a little more descriptive. Maybe desire or anticipate?
Hey Angelene!
ReplyDeleteThis was a joy to read as it made me think of all the awesome animals that have been in my life. You have to love it when an animal comes up next to you and is trying to be sly and cute all at the same time. The paw on the leg part is pretty adorable, you do a great job of hitting all the senses while providing descriptive language from your dogs perspective. Maybe in the second stanza you could add just a little more to how she is begging and hoping. I actually found it to sound very "poetic" just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem is all. It might help to just add a little more to the smaller stanzas. Maybe that would even it out. Other than that this is great stuff! Thanks for sharing!
Cody
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ReplyDeleteThis is so great! I loved your writing through the perspective of the dog's head! :)
ReplyDelete